Self Care Routine
I’m often asked, “How can I believe in myself more? How can I have less fear and more confidence?” It’s a great question. Sometimes, life knocks us down and we struggle to get back up for days, weeks, or longer. We lose faith in ourselves for a time. You may have been confident when you were younger, but now, not so much!
You probably came to this post thinking you were going to get some tips on how to wash your face or how to dress better. Fortunately, I have a better message for you! Today I am going to give you 6 things that you can work on to improve your self-care. Let’s call it, 6 STEPS FOR BETTER SELF-CARE.
Before I start, I want to make something perfectly clear. I believe that no matter who you are, you have intrinsic value and inherent worth. This means that there’s nothing you can do to change your worth. Every person on earth was born with value–simply because you’re human. And that value is exactly the same for every person who has ever lived. Yep. Every person!
1. Be willing
The first thing you need to do is BE WILLING to believe that you are no better or worse than anyone else. Because it’s true!
I know, you think you’re willing. That’s why you’re reading this post. But sometimes, our minds are not as willing as we’d like them to be. We say things like, “I’ll change my thinking when I’m ready,” or “I want to change, but it’s not going to happen overnight.” That’s not the kind of ‘willing’ I’m talking about.
You have to be willing TODAY—right now—to release your lies and believe that you have value. Even after you truly believe, it will take a while for this to sink in. But when you recognize it as truth, it becomes possible for you to see yourself in a different way.
If you are no better or worse than anyone else, then does that mean you can create the same things in your life that other people have created? Can you live authentically and still have people love you? Can you draw on your own power and create success? Can you live fully, without fear holding you back, and create a life that matters?
When you can answer those questions in the affirmative, you’ll be ready to move on.
2. Create momentum
Next, you have to create MOMENTUM.
I know, some of you are thinking, “If I had momentum, then it would be easy to believe in myself.” But sometimes, believing in yourself requires creating situations where you can win a little bit each day. Just a tiny win can give you the dopamine hit that says, “Hey, I did it! Good job! Maybe I’m not so bad after all!” It’s the simple psychological payoff you get after achieving a few small goals. And when you are trying to overcome difficulty, you’ve got to do simple things that will create momentum.
No matter what you are doing in your life, if you can move forward, even just a little, your brain will start
to believe that you can do this! Think about it. What could you do today to move ahead and create a bit of momentum in one problem area of your life?
It doesn’t matter what area of your life you need to believe in, just make a little bit of movement today, and then, do it again the next day. You can’t just do it once, and go back to your old ways tomorrow. Momentum is daily. Little acts, every single day, add up to massive change and greatness. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel if you can create a little bit of momentum in your life. And once you feel a little bit better about yourself, you can move on to my next suggestion.
3. Get some feedback
Most people fear FEEDBACK because they’re afraid someone will tell them they’re not good enough. But guess what? If people are telling you that you’re stupid, or ugly, or you have no talent, then you’re getting feedback from the wrong people.
Sometimes, we need feedback from the people who know us and love us the most. It can be hard to admit that you just need someone to tell you what you’re doing right, but those who love you will be more than willing to share the good they see. Ask them to be honest. Even to tell you the areas you need to improve, but also, get them to let you in on the secret of what you’re doing right.
Because here’s the truth. Most of us are doing our best every single day. But there’s a critical voice that lives inside your head that likes to point out your weaknesses. Maybe you’re a perfectionist. Or maybe you were raised by someone who was so hard on you, that you never recognized your strengths and successes.
Maybe hearing that you’re okay from someone you love is exactly what you need. They can help you see that you’re trying your best, that you’re working hard, and then help you identify the next steps you can take to improve. And they can do it in a loving way. And hey…if there’s no one in your life who can do this, you may need to find a new group to hang out with, people who are working hard and striving to do better so they can reassure you that you’re okay.
It’s also important, however, to recognize when negative feedback is real. If you’re getting the same negative feedback over and over again, don’t hate yourself more. Look at it objectively and see what you need to change. Look at it as an opportunity for growth. See what you can do to develop yourself and become better!
4. Recognizing your successes
Some people who struggle with believing in themselves may have done great things in the past, but they never took the time to RECOGNIZE THE SUCCESS, to acknowledge their accomplishments! They never took the time to sit with their wins, to let them come into their heart. It’s extremely important to integrate your success into your mind, to feel it internally and make it part of who you are, part of your identity as a human!
Many of us go through life having win after win, but years later, after hundreds of small accomplishments, we still feel the same about ourselves. We have moments of greatness, lots of them, but we don’t internalize the greatness as it’s happening! We have to make time in our schedules to build our character and strength. We have to claim the sense of pride that goes along with accomplishment so we can get stronger. In fact, if you really want to start believing in yourself, then sit down and give yourself credit at the end of every day. Take time to notice what worked, what didn’t, which goals you moved closer to, and what you succeeded at doing.
This isn’t about pumping yourself up with no evidence. It’s about recognizing your momentum for what it is and internalizing it! If you did an awesome job, own it! Take credit for your success and recognize your accomplishments—every day! Create some strength of spirit that you can draw on in the difficult times because that is an all-important thing in the world of success!
5. Create the emotions you want to have
It’s nice to think about always feeling good. It’s nice to imagine a life where you are happy and at peace all of the time. But there are two problems with that. First, it’s not realistic. Life will always have challenges. Life always presents with about half positive and half negative emotions. So if you sit around waiting for the positive emotions to just hit you, you’ll be waiting a long time! You have to do something to get the things you want out of life. If you want to be motivated and driven, joyful and passionate, full of purpose and peace, then create it!
CREATE THE EMOTIONS YOU WANT TO HAVE.
There will be days where you’ll wake up and feel like crap. So what do you do? Do you roll over in bed and say, “Oh well, today just isn’t my day. Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow.” Of course not! You get up, you make the best of your circumstance, you change the way you’re feeling through affirmation, meditation, or visualization. You don’t have to let your impulsive feelings rule you. Ever. Because you are in charge of you and you can create whatever emotions you want.
It’s simple, really. When you understand that your thoughts create your emotions, you can choose to entertain thoughts that bring about whatever emotions you want.
I’m not suggesting that you’ll always want to change what you’re thinking or how you’re feeling. But I am suggesting that you are in charge of you. You get to choose what you want and how you will think and feel at any given moment in time.
You may want to think in advance about what you can do to bring peace or joy or happiness into your day. Because here’s the truth. You don’t have happiness. No one does. You generate happiness. You don’t have joy. You create it. And you don’t have anger, frustration, or misery, either. It’s brought on by the things you choose to think and feel and the way you choose to live your life. So don’t sit around waiting for positive, motivating energy to come knocking at your door. Generate it! Cultivate it. Make it happen! Because if you sit around waiting for it to show up, you might be waiting for a very long time.
6. Loving Yourself
This is a big one for me because I see it all the time in my clients. If you want to believe in yourself, you have to start by LOVING YOURSELF.
Perhaps you’ve never given yourself permission to love who you are. Maybe you’ve never noticed your own internal beauty. Maybe you aren’t recognizing the amazing things you’ve done in your life. Maybe you simply don’t understand your intrinsic value and inherent worth. So you’ve never allowed yourself to have the love that means more than any other love—Self-love.
Self-love is powerful because it allows us to recognize that everyone is worthy of love. You get to love yourself for all the things that make you a good person. You get to love the things that make you not so good, as well. You get to love your weirdness and your strengths. You get to love the things that make you happy and the things that frighten you. You even get to love the deepest, darkest corners of your soul. You were created to be exactly who you are—and you get to honor that by loving the amazing person you’ve become.
If you want to take better care of yourself, let’s start by appreciating everything that’s good, then look at the areas that could be improved, and start to love the process while loving ourselves!
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