HOW TO REVEAL THE “FUTURE YOU”

INTRODUCING MY BORING LIFE

Last year, I attended a workshop with about 30 other people. At the beginning, the instructor asked each of us to introduce ourselves. No other instructions. Just, “Let’s go around the room and have each of you introduce yourselves.”

Easy enough.

My turn came about halfway through, but as I sat listening to the other attendees introduce themselves, I was impressed…and maybe a bit intimidated! One woman was starting a non-profit where she highlighted the heroic acts of other humans. A rather intimidating guy told us that he was a Navy Seal. An older gentleman shared that he was a retired CEO of a Fortune 500 company. There was a doctor. A criminal offense attorney. A pastor. I was in the company of some amazing people!

And then it was my turn.

I opened my mouth to speak and was appalled at what came out. I said, “Hi. I’m Sandra, and I live a pretty boring life.”

Now, anyone who knows me well also knows that my life is anything but boring. I may not be a doctor or a lawyer, but I’ve overcome some pretty big challenges and I’ve helped hundreds of women do the same.

But that was how I presented myself to my classmates. That was the introduction to me and my story—the story that I’ve been putting out into the world so I can inspire others to face their challenges with confidence and grit.

YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL

I’ve thought about that introduction often during the past few months. It really made me stop and consider why I shut down at that moment. Why did I feel the need to downplay my story in the company of these people whom I instantly admired?

If I’m honest, it doesn’t take much thought to identify the problem. It’s because there’s a little voice in the back of my head that whispers, “Who do you think you are? Your story is no more powerful than the next guy! Why do you think you can inspire others to change their lives?”

I find this particularly fascinating because this is literally the work I do with my clients!

But the truth is, the work of silencing your INNER MEAN GIRL is a lifelong process because that inner critic is an intrinsic part of who you are. In fact, you probably don’t really want to silence her. You want to make her your friend.

The problem is that your INNER MEAN GIRL bases all of her judgments on the past. She has an incredible memory, pulling up every rejection or failure you’ve ever experienced in a split second, reminding you of all the ways you could be hurt if you show up in an authentic or vulnerable way.

But defining yourself by who you’ve been or what you’ve accomplished in the past is a terrible way to live. After all, we are always learning and growing. That seems to be one of the purposes for living. So, to define who you are by what you’ve done in the past is to have a very limited view of your future.

THE PAST VS. THE FUTURE

Just imagine, if we truly defined our future by what we’ve accomplished in the past, humanity would be stuck in an infantile state. Babies would never learn to walk or talk or take care of themselves. But they do. WE do. So, if you insist on looking to the past for evidence of who you are and what you can accomplish, be sure to look at your entire history. Because no matter who you are, you’ve done incredible things since you were born!

You know how to walk and talk. You can dress and feed yourself. You’ve learned to read and write. You may know how to play a musical instrument. You might be really good at competitive sports. You probably know how to drive—and if not, you may have figured out the public transit system—and that’s an incredible feat in and of itself!

And if you’re a parent, you’ve created human life. I mean, seriously, think about how amazing that is!

You are alive today because of the incredible things you’ve accomplished in your past, so please don’t discount them. But recognize that life is a journey—and you are meant to progress until the day you die. And because of that, defining yourself by the past is probably not going to serve you well.

ENOUGH ALREADY

Instead, take a look at how you can define yourself by the future because you get to choose your destiny. So start by adopting this truth:

YOU ARE ENOUGH ALREADY.

Think about this for a minute.

If you believed that you were already good enough, worthy enough, smart enough, talented enough, capable enough—simply enough—to become anything you wanted, what would it be?

Dream big!

Then start making choices as if that’s who you already are.

Because the truth is, you already are that person. Deep down inside, you know its true. You have everything it takes to become the person you want to be. But it’s up to you to believe in yourself enough to make it happen.

Now, I’m not saying this is easy. I’m not saying that living with the future in mind makes everything fall into place. I’m not saying you won’t have times that are excruciatingly painful and times when you’ll wonder if you can really go on. Challenges and pain are part of the equation. If you don’t have them, you probably aren’t dreaming big enough.

When you’re living as if you are already the person you dream of becoming, life will certainly throw some challenges your way, and your brain will DEFINITELY tell you to play it safe.

But remember…you are in control. You get to choose your destiny. Your past can’t tell you what you are capable of because who you will be in the future has yet to be seen. And it’s entirely up to you!

LIVING INTO FUTURE POSSIBILITIES

A great example of this is the popular singer/songwriter JAX. My granddaughter introduced me to her first big hit, “Victoria’s Secret,” about a year ago, and since then, I’ve been watching to see who this girl will become. (SIDENOTE: Check her out if you want a fun IG account to follow!)

Sometime last year, she posted this video of herself singing on the street in Times Square when she was 14 years old, still dreaming about becoming a famous musician. She and her backup band were hanging out on the street performing for anyone who would listen, just trying to get noticed. It was followed by a video showing her on one of the huge billboards in Times Square at the age of 26 after releasing her new hit song, “Cinderella Snapped.”Jax didn’t wait to make it big before she followed her dream. She wanted to perform in Times Square…so she did.

She chose to live as if her dreams were already a reality…and eventually, they were!

You can call me crazy, but I love the idea that we are in complete control of our future. We get to choose who we are going to become because we get to choose our thoughts—which lead to emotions—which drive our actions—which ultimately lead to the results we will get in our lives.

So, when you look to the past to define yourself, when you look to the past to determine who you are, you severely limit yourself. In effect, you’re saying, “ I’m done growing. I can’t do more than I’ve already done. I can’t learn more than I’ve already learned. I’m at my capacity as a human being.”

And, of course, if you tell yourself that, then it is true!

So instead of defining yourself by your past, or defining yourself by your circumstances, or even defining yourself by the human experience, why not define yourself by the possibilities?

YOU GET TO CHOOSE

One of my favorite principles to live by is this:

Each moment describes who you are and gives you the opportunity to decide if that’s who you want to be.

I love this! To me, it says that there is no moment in life where we become finished. There’s no point where we get it all right and are at the end of our progression. Not while we’re alive.

If you’re willing to adopt this principle, then life becomes a journey wherein you are continually growing. Your goals become motivating factors to help you improve and be better today than you were yesterday.

But what this really speaks to is the ability to be in the present moment. The power is in recognizing that the process of becoming is what actually defines who you are. And when you choose to love and accept yourself in the moment, you’ll see that you are enough already—in every area of life—no matter what you’ve accomplished in the past.

You get to decide who you want to be in every moment of your life. And that’s powerful stuff.

If you believe it, your future can be whatever you want it to be—and you can be whatever you want to be in your future!

So what’s it going to take for you to believe that you are enough. That your worth, your value, has nothing to do with your past.

You can continue to believe that you’re not enough and continue to prove to yourself time and time again that you don’t measure up. Or you can look to the future with an attitude that allows you to decide who you want to be, what you want to accomplish, and how you want to live.

So, what are you choosing to believe about yourself?

Who could you become if you believed you were enough?

That is the question! Tell me your answer in the comments below!