Introduction

“I hate my inner mean girl,” Jamie told me in one of her first coaching sessions. “I just want to get rid of that part of me so I never have to deal with her negativity again!”

Can you relate? I know I can!

We all have an inner mean girl (or boy), even if we haven’t consciously identified it. Also known as the inner critic or the judge, this voice can wreak havoc on even the most self-aware individuals. But here’s the surprising part—it’s not actually trying to hurt you. It’s part of your subconscious defense mechanism, designed to keep you safe.

The problem? In today’s world, we aren’t in real danger all that often, so our inner mean girl focuses on things that don’t actually matter.

Recognizing Your Inner Mean Girl

Your inner mean girl may sound like:

“You are so fat. Why didn’t you wear something more flattering?”
“You don’t deserve a raise, so why even ask?”
“Good mothers don’t yell at their kids. You’re failing.”

And she doesn’t stop with you—she judges others, too:

“She always gets the best opportunities. She must think she’s better than me.”
“Why can’t that mom control her kid?”
“There must be something wrong with him if he can’t get a good job.”

Your inner mean girl thrives on judgment, whether it's self-criticism, comparing yourself to others, or assuming what others think of you. And guess what? Judgment is at the root of human suffering.

The Toll on Your Mental and Emotional Health

Did you know you have about 60,000 thoughts per day, and 75% of them come from your inner mean girl? That’s 45,000 judgmental thoughts daily! No wonder you feel stressed, anxious, and stuck in negative thought loops.

Over time, these thought patterns become ingrained, making it harder to break free from self-doubt, procrastination, and emotional exhaustion. This can look like:

Feeling unmotivated and stuck
Constantly prioritizing others over yourself
Numbing out with Netflix, social media, or food

But here’s the truth: You don’t have to be miserable. You have choices.

How to Take Back Your Power

The key isn’t to silence or fight your inner mean girl—it’s to befriend her. That’s exactly what Jamie did, and it transformed her life. She learned the power of the “SELF” skills:

Self-Love – Accepting yourself as you are, flaws and all
Self-Compassion – Speaking to yourself with kindness, the way you would to a friend
Self-Worth – Recognizing that you are enough, just as you are

Your Next Step

You don’t have to be at war with your inner mean girl. When you recognize her voice and shift the conversation, you reclaim your power. Which of these judgmental thoughts do you struggle with the most? Comment below and let’s start shifting the narrative together!