I’ve struggled with body image my whole life. I was never thin enough. Never tall enough. Never pretty enough. Never anything enough. When I look back at pictures of myself when I was young, I’m baffled by these thoughts because now I see myself as an attractive young woman. But all I felt back then was disgust for my body, so much so that I disconnected from it a long time ago.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

It was June 1980, and I was twelve years old. My friend and I were walking down the street in our neighborhood, headed to Circle K for Slurpees. We’d made this trek a thousand times before.

We were in that awkward stage—on the cusp of womanhood but still wanting to be children. In fact, I’m pretty sure we were playing with Barbies right before deciding to walk to the store.

The Moment That Changed Everything

The thing that stands out to me the most is that I wasn’t scared.

If twelve-year-old girls were being followed home by 16 or 17-year-old boys today, I’d be pressing charges. But back then?

I wasn’t afraid.
I didn’t think about what could happen if they forced me into their car.

Instead, I was embarrassed.

In my mind, they were attracted to my curvy body—and that was a bad thing.

Not for them. Boys were supposed to be attracted to girls.

But girls?
It was our responsibility to make sure no boy was ever “tempted” by our bodies.

Somehow, even at the age of twelve, I knew I had failed.

A Lifetime of Embarrassment

That incident was the beginning of a lifetime of shame around my body.

My history of childhood sexual abuse only made it worse.

I rarely felt beautiful—and when I did, I felt guilty for it.

I honestly believe my lifelong struggles with weight come from these deeply ingrained beliefs about my body.

The Weight of Womanhood

I’ve done a lot of work to heal this part of me.

Right now, I’m focusing on developing a healthier relationship with food. And maybe because of that focus, I’ve been feeling the weight of womanhood heavier than ever.

A quote from the Barbie Movie comes to mind:

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas...
I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us.”
— America Ferrera, Barbie

This hits so close to home.

I feel like I’ve been tying myself in knots my entire life, trying to be enough. And I don’t think I’m alone.

Women and the Cycle of Self-Criticism

Most of the women I know are:

✅ Perfectionists
✅ People-pleasers
✅ Bending over backward for everyone but themselves

They hold down full-time jobs, run households, support partners, and raise children—all while criticizing themselves for not being enough.

And if they look like they’ve had kids? Heaven forbid.

👉 Everyone has something to say about the woman who has “let herself go.”

And then, we’re right back where we started.

BODY SHAME.

Breaking the Cycle for the Next Generation

Listen, I’m on a mission to help women heal their inner mean girl—so they can stop criticizing their bodies and start loving themselves before it’s too late.

One of the biggest concerns my clients have is:

💬 “How do I break this cycle for my daughters?”

They don’t want to pass on the same self-loathing they’ve struggled with.

And the only way I know to stop it is to:

✨ Heal yourself first. ✨

It’s never too late to heal your own trauma so you can pass the gift of healing down to your children…and their children.