Breaking the Chains of Generational Trauma

Before I even knew what it was, I was passionate about breaking the chains of generational trauma. I wanted to be that person who figured out how to heal myself so I didn’t pass on the patterns of trauma and abuse that have been in my family for more than 100 years. Later in life, I heard the term “chainbreaker” and it resonated deeply with me. Are you a chainbreaker, too?

I believe I was in my early 20s when I discovered that five generations of women in my family had been sexually abused.

I don’t remember how I found out—because, to this day, no one talks much about it.

What I do remember is how angry I was!

Clearly, in my mind, there was a pattern that needed to stop. A chain of events that had to be broken. And it had to come from the abused—because those who were doing the abusing would never willingly end it. I decided early in adulthood that I would be the one who stopped it in my family line.

The truth is, I had no idea what that meant. I had no idea how deeply ingrained the patterns and behaviors that lead to abuse had become in our DNA. I was much more aware than the previous generations, but I did not understand what it would take to break those chains. And back then, the research on generational trauma was nearly non-existent.

That didn’t stop me from trying.

I sought out counseling as soon as I could afford it. My first therapist did more harm than good…but at least I was doing what I could do.

I was a fierce defender of my children. More than one teacher lost their job because I refused to remain quiet about the way they were treating their students. I didn’t win any popularity contests…but I knew I was making a difference, at least for my kids.

I tried to be more open and honest regarding my own abuse. This was uncharted territory, but I did my best to push through it without leaving casualties behind. It was messy, and some of my efforts caused damage instead of healing. But I really was doing my best.

I became a whistleblower in my family. It wasn’t a popular position to be in. I lost a lot of relationships because I wouldn’t be quiet…and that has been hard. But I also knew that would be the cost of being a chainbreaker.

I worked hard to put my own trauma behind me, even while I was actively experiencing new trauma—physical, emotional, and spiritual. I wasn’t going to let the addictions and illnesses of the present stop me from healing the past so it wouldn’t get passed on to the future.

About ten years ago, I began educating myself on generational trauma and learned how it can be passed through DNA. My mind was blown when I realized the implications of that fact alone. How do you break the chains when it is embedded in your genetic makeup? That question simply made me more determined to figure it out.

My children are all grown now. They are all in relationships of their own, some with children, some without.

Was I successful at breaking the chains?

Only time will tell…

Some of my children would probably say yes. Others might have a different opinion. But I think I can say one thing with certainty.

I made progress.

And I opened the door for my children to continue breaking chains of trauma and abuse—a legacy they can pass down to their kids, too.

As a young girl, all I wanted was a family where I could give and feel love. I wanted a home where abuse was a foreign concept and loving relationships were the focus. And while I probably could have done more to create that environment—because we can always do more—I feel confident in saying that I changed the tide in my family. And I’m a proud mama as I watch my daughters parent their children in even better and healthier ways.

Are you a survivor who wants to break the patterns of generational trauma and abuse, but you’re not sure how to start?

It starts with healing yourself first.

And next week, I’m excited to introduce a new podcast collaboration with my daughter, Kayla Gonthier. It’s called, “Heal Yourself First: Breaking Chains of Generational Trauma.”

Each episode will focus on an area where you may have generational patterns that could lead to trauma or abuse

“Heal Yourself First” is specifically geared toward helping moms heal themselves so they can put an end to generational trauma in their families. Watch for more info on Monday, April 8.

In the meantime, take care of you! That is one of the most important things you can do as you strive to make changes in your family line and heal generations both before and after you.

Much love!